Just a Thought

So I haven't completed any of my tasks yet. But am working on several of them, as several of them take a few months to complete, so this blog has nothing to do with any of that. I just am in the middle of a major life change and felt the need to write about it. Last weekend my roommate and best friend of 25 years advised me that a mutual friend would be moving to Boston and if my boyfriend and I intended to cohabitate in the next six months to a year then now would be the time to do it. I wasn't ready for this at all. I have been living between the Cape and Boston for the past several months and had no intention of that changing in the near future. However, being that there was no saying that I wouldn't get sick of keeping dual residences or couldn't financially swing it anymore, I folded. I first had a long talk with Culum, he was psyched at the prospect of me living with him full time and "having me to himself". I then sat down with my extremely Catholic mother , (I think part of me was looking for someone to scream NO bad idea), my mother told me that if I loved him and wasn't planning on leaving him then it was appropriate to take the next step. Did she not realize I would be living in sin??? I mean not that I really wouldn't do it for that reason, but come on Ma your like practically a nun...why aren't you lecturing me here about the evils of premarital sex and living in sin. But I digress. So after getting that feedback and pushing down my vicious fear of commitment, I called Jamie and told her that I would move back to the Cape in October. I'm not unhappy to be living with my boyfriend, I love Culum more than I've loved anyone and can totally see us doing the forever thing together. I just don't know how to give up the city I'm in love with for the man I'm in love with. I don't know how to hold on to my independence while sharing my life and home with someone else. I don't know how to commit to someone completely. Typically when the water gets to hot, I just hit the destruct button. But I could never do anything to hurt him, so I can't get be up to my old tricks. I guess that says something for our relationship and my maturity level at this point. In any event, I guess this is part of my growth and it will force me to deal with some of the issues from my past that have caused the whole commitment phobe thing. I don't know if this will in anyway affect my 1001 things, aside from speeding up my getting the counseling :)